Do you have trouble keeping up with the one million television shows that are available to watch, but you love being social with coworkers, friends, or a person that you have a crush on that is dating someone else?
Please stop thinking about this problem from now on! Life is too short to be thinking about not being able to have something to talk about with a person that you have feelings for but you know is very happy in their relationship. And life is also too short to watch every episode of Downton Abbey! I’m kidding Downton-heads, I love that show!
But now in seriousness (if you’ve finished laughing about the Downton Abbey thing I said), I’ve crafted some generic statements that you can say that apply to absolutely every television show that you would ever be asked about around the water cooler or in a Tinder message if you’re able to get a match on there. Never will you be perceived as a person that is too busy to watch a television show in its entirety. When someone innocently asks “How about that episode of Broadchurch?,” you can look them right in both of their eyes and say one of these perfectly ambiguous declarations. Feel free to cut these responses out and refer to them whenever someone decides that they want to embarrass you with their knowledge of a show.
“Yes, this truly is the golden age of television.” / “Wow, that was before the golden age of television.”
For any television show that aired after the year 2000, use the former at the start of a show discussion. Use the alternate for anything before. If you don’t know when the show originally aired, just shake your head slowly and say, “We’re in the golden age of television now.”
“Haha, I love it.”
Do you love that new Netflix comedy that everyone loves? What about that dark documentary series that HBO just premiered? Did you think the Better Call Saul finale was a little lame? It doesn’t matter what the question is because, haha, you love it!
“Don’t get me started.”
People love this one! You either love it so much or hate it so much that they can’t even get you started about it. This is also a fun slogan to put on a T-shirt if you have a marker and a white shirt lying around.
“For me, that is appointment television.”
Leave whichever idiot that asked you about a show in the dust with this response. It’s appointment television for me, need I say more?
“An example of a television show that paved the way for the golden age of television is Twin Peaks, the show created by David Lynch and a man named Mark Frost.”
Any girl that is in a relationship with someone else will really appreciate a factoid like this one.
“Oh yes, that was/is good/bad, but let us not spoil it for anyone around us.”
You go ahead and spoil a television show for everyone, but I won’t be a part of it. If there’s no one else around you that can have the Red Wedding where Robb Stark dies spoiled for them, just say one of the other responses that I created! They all work!
“The Wire is one of the greatest shows of all time.”
Very thought provoking answer to my question/conversation starter, everyone will say. No matter which television show one of your glazed over coworkers is trying to talk to you about, this is a slam dunk to fake like you’ve watched any television show in the world.
And you really shouldn’t need more than that to lie to your friends or to appear like everything is fine with you regardless of what a person you love is doing with someone else. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you’re now able to participate in any conversation about any show that exists. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to watch an episode of The Wire, a show I consider to be one of the greatest of all time.